Life after Breakup!

Breakup (rhymes with startups) is now normal. If you are human, breakups do happen.

Here is a narrative from the diaries of Breakup phase taken from first person perspective and experiences of people who have interacted with me.

Breakup? Now what?

“What happens when breakup happens?”

Hope this honest narrative resonates some of you. Maybe sympathize or console you or let you be out of that phase!

 

Here is a typical cycle seen in no order and can repeat “n” number of times. 

 

Chapter A. You Question about it.

 

Chapter B. There is a lot of Introspection to both sides of breakup story.

 

Chapter C. You remember your relationship again and again and sort of make efforts to get the old moments back.

 

Chapter D. You seem to give up and think or make move for someone else.

These can happen just like in any random order and can stay for as long as the ego – mind complex is not satisfied with!

 

Let’s take these one by one.

 

Chapter A. You Question about it.

 

what now?

As the last confirmation came of becoming just “friends”, I remember the moment clearly. There was only one question – Why?

Why and why haunted like hell!

I mean how can she do that?

How on earth can this even happen?

But then what happened throughout? What to it?

Why this turn around?

Can we not negotiate?

Can we not adjust?

Outrageous and pleading – oscillations happened at top speeds.

Regret and anger changed places so fast.

There was no peace.

It was either i was the victim or she was.

Mind either choose to be defensive and angry or feel guilty and regret.

It was tough. Mind wanted answers and even though it may get it , it was not ready at all to accept it.

It sought the relationship back.

It refused to absorb the present. It just refused to.

That is how the complex the mind was..

 

Look carefully, love is so powerful – It can ignite you to the superpower to do anything..Good or bad.

It can make you weak too.

It can make you blind to seeing anything else, than the other person. It can make the other person as the center of the universe. All you will see is the person and no one else.

Priority will happen next to your loved one.

 

And when love has powered you so much. imagine how will you feel when you lost it immediately?

 

Perhaps that’s how people who hoarded black money must have felt 😉

Totally helpless and powerless and exposed when Demonetization of currency was introduced.

 

Suddenly the heart comes in a state of emergency.

Whom shall it express its vastness?

Whom shall it live for?

Life can be tough for breakups!

 

You live in the “Why” all along! Listening to countless sad songs and listening to all the lyrics. Sitting lonely in some dark corners, on the rocks of the beaches staring at the Sun and showing your scarred heart!

 

And when so many questions have just arrived your inbox, you have been shut to answers.

You literally are at loss of words, action on what to do next!

Imagine the helplessness.Sigh!

 

Chapter B. There is a lot of Introspection to both sides of breakup story.

 

introspection?

 

When the “why” has settled for sometime, you wake up to become the next optimist or pessimist. You dig for the possible conclusions to present answers to the “Why”

You become your own judge and lawyer.

 

I have often wondered, what happens in breakups..where does it go wrong ?

Quite often noted, the intentions had changed.

 

In a relationship, first you seek love.

Then you seek respect, commitment, trust and care for your ambitions.

Ever if you fail in these tests at any point of time, your intentions change to just physical intimacy and selfishness ..Relationships can hit hard then.

 

Many a times, you both begin with a mutually agreed intention.

You know how much you will stretch for each other.

But love can change everything. Your physical presence and your desires can change your intentions very quickly. One who is loitering around to just have fun can become serious and turn into a one man/woman person and one who is a one woman/man person can become the opposite.

Love is enticing and can fool you!

 

At any point if you let the relationship become the center of your life, it can just ruin everything around you. You know why? Because you would want to spend more time with your partner than things around you. Gradually one of you would just hate that! And guess what is easiest to do then? Blame and say its best to break up.

Its easier to blame on life and other’s actions, than take responsibility for your actions or explain the situation and wait for a change!

 

Life indeed becomes complicated, when you mess routine things in your life with your love life!

So what is easier to do then? Breakup! Better to drop it than let your life be dragged by it.

Breakup often is a last choice. It is not easy for many, but when things don’t seem to change for the good, it seems the only option for one!

 

Hard to digest both sides later, but the only choice left to the one taking this decision! World might seem useless to you thereafter!

 

Introspection happens. You will commit to it and then you will blame too.

 

Over period of time though, you will see these things lose power over you. One day you will definitely wake up and say, what was i doing the whole time? Was i drunk? Why did i lose my mind and time in that? One day you will say that. You will laugh at your own reaction. You will laugh at your own exhibition of emotions!

 

There are early conclusions too from these introspection and they can be disastrous..!

 

I remember in House of Cards [English TV Show], there was one scene where the Congressman Underwood sits with the parents of the deceased daughter and asked them when the Congressman was blamed for the death of their daughter.  – “What do you want me to do? Resign? Just say it?”

There was so much anger in the parents and it could not be contained with a simple apology. Resigning would not have helped. Nor killing him. The damage was more. It could not be repaired or replaced by any act of violence other than satisfying your anger. In such a state of helplessness, the anger can be so powerful that it would want to express itself. There are instances where the person felt the urge to express this anger and have harmed the other person in return via acid attacks. What happened then? It felt, if it cannot be mine, it should be for none! There have been such adverse reactions too! Such one sided interpretations can be disastrous! Introspection can help. Interpretation based on little or no communication can create problems for both!

 

Love can give you power to build a world full of joy. And you dare deny it and it can make you sad and feel closed, violent and helpless.

 

Love is expressive. It talks with the presence. It talks with the touch. It talks with words. It talks with the many actions on the level it has touched your heart!

Love can be beautiful and love can make you ugly.

 

There are some who stick go through the introspection. Some realize mutually and regain their relationship. Some give up and find someone else. And there are some who neither choose others and nor make a bold move to regain old relationship and keep living in the memories for years to come. Making regret the center of their life. Yeah Devdas exists!

 

Chapter C. You remember your relationship again and again and sort of make efforts to get the old moments back. 

 

come back please!

When the why and the introspection has subsided, some days you might just wake up to living those moments again. Trying your every bit to find contact with the person, again.

You may struggle for words but look for all sorts of opportunities to let your presence speak. Dramatic may it sound, but yes, some do go through this phase.

 

Chapter D. You seem to give up and think or make move for someone else. 

 

back to square one.

It’s time. You say to yourself. You find nothing happening on the other side. Deep down, you know it, it’s not going to happen again. You choose to just bury those memories and start afresh. You start looking around again, for a hint,one moment, one glance, one step from the other side. To let open your heart again. To rejoice in those moments, again!

 

now what?

So what happens in life post breakups? Majorly all of the above and maybe more..!

Lucky are the people who get guidance on what life is.. Life is more than a broken heart. Than the luxury of the physical intimacies!

No matter how many times you have hugged or kissed the person. The end of the relationship can never be predicted. So what preserves love? Wisdom preserves love!

and what is that wisdom? That you are more than your feelings and the experience. That there is so much to give than just be a taker of love.

 

To sum it up.. what will prevent breakups?

Knowing how love is 🙂

Live the mantra and stay safe 🙂

 

Love is.

Hope your relationship grows with gratitude, respect, trust and commitment towards each other!

 

To love and beyond.

Wishing you all.

Swapnil.